Three years ago I found my happy. I had my little family unit and we were tucked away from the world in out little safe haven we found. We had family time, laughed, danced, ect.... Sunday's were spent together watching sports or playing outside. At night we'd tuck them in and spend at least an hour together talking watching our shows. We were literally the happiest family I knew.
This year I lost my happy. I'm not sure when it happened but somehow it escaped. Money and family problems crept in like thieves in the night and suddenly I found myself in the darkest place I had ever been in. With me being unable to deal with my issues I've watched my family also spiral out of control. We are all just going through the motions and just surviving.
Watching me struggle and trying to keep it together has changed them all. My youngest has picked up some nervous habits, and my husband no longer smiles like he used to. We have succumbed to the electronics and no longer spend as much time together. I'm not as patient as I once was. It breaks my heart and I feel like I'm failing at the most important job I've ever had. Depression is one of the worst invisible diseases.
I've realized that I am the glue that holds my family together. If I fall, we all fall. I finally got up the courage to talk with my husband about how I've been feeling. I finally said the words that I needed to say. I need help. I can't do this anymore. I hate the way I feel. I want my happy back!
My New Year's resolution for 2012 is to get my happy back. This isn't just some resolution that I can make and then not stick to. My family needs me. My family needs the old me. The me that is positive. Yes I can be positive, believe it or not. 2012 I will go get my head screwed back on straight. I will spend more time with the ones I love. I'm going to fake it until I make it. Wish me luck! xoxoxo