Tuesday, December 13, 2011

No more kids!!!!

I always wanted to get married and have kids.  I wanted at least three but when I met the man of my dreams, he already came with two.  Ok fine I can work with that.  I will settle for two kids of my own and that will be good enough.  Fingers crossed I get one of each.  A boy and girl would be a perfect addition to our family. 

I got pregnant right away because me and the hubs are that good!  Went for the check up and the doctor said the baby was small but everything looked ok.  We were so happy.  Fast forward two months and during the ultrasound they couldn't find a heartbeat.  There would be no baby for me.  I was fine with it.  I believe everything happens for a reason so we would just try again when the doctor gave me a clean bill of health.  I'm a tough cookie but this is a story for another time.   

Fast forward two years and we finally got pregnant again when we weren't even trying.  I was ecstatic but scared to death at the same time.  I did almost everything I was supposed to do.  Put the smokes down, ate healthy, and cut down to one cup of coffee a day.  The coffee was the hardest part.  One little cup a day.  Kill me now.  I listened to relaxing music and tried to stay stress free.  If it wasn't for that one evil coworker I would have done it.  Stupid jerk!  I hope she got crabs.  I read every birth/baby book I could get my hands on.  I was prepared! 

Finally the day arrived and I started having contractions.  So excited!!!  It's going to happen, and it's going to happen in time for the little booger to be a TAX DEDUCTION!!!  You go little man!  Great timing!  I won't go into great detail about the birth but I will tell you this.  NO AMOUNT OF PREPARING FOR A BIRTH WILL PREPARE YOU FOR A BIRTH!  It's gross, and it hurts more then anything you've ever felt in your life.  I FARTED ON MY DOCTOR!  Sorry bout that doc.  Who signs up for that job?!  Finally after about a year I finally pushed that little turd out.  My poor vagina but he was a beautiful little poop stain so yeah I guess it was kind of worth it. 

Now it's time to take my little bundle home and I'm so ready for this.  I read every book there was to read.  I can do this.  I'm ready for it all.  Bring it!  I was a kick ass breast feeding mama and I was doing amazing.  About a week into it I got sick and had to quit breastfeeding for a little while.  I pumped still and breastfed when I could but, I also had to supplement with formula.  I wasn't happy about this at all but before all you breastfeeding mama's jump on me, trust me I tried everything and called every breast feeding number there was.  Having to quit breastfeeding broke my heart.  It also turned my sweet little bundle into a colicky screaming maniac.

Now my days were spent with this screaming miserable little monster.  It was fine because I learned I am a very, very patient person.  Instead of tossing him out in the snow I sang him songs about tossing him out in the snow.  My days were spent watching the clock waiting for my husband to come home so I could take a 15 minute break and go take a bath.  Sleeping wasn't really an option because little maniac never did.  The only thing that would shut him up was a few songs and a bath.  We listened to a lot of music and took a lot of baths.  Eventually we got his formula straightened out and I had a almost normal baby.  Still dealt with the nighttime colic screaming but we just played pass the screaming baby.

Finally after a year we got him sleeping through the night and I had a happy kid.  He was running (never quite got that walking down) and talking and happy.  I would back to that age in a heartbeat.  It was my favorite time.  I could finally take a bath and sleep and have a glass (or two) of wine.  I could watch my shows, and leave him home with Daddy, and after he went to bed I could be alone with Daddy.  We had the perfect little family. 

With all that happening to me I never could quite get up the guts to try again for another one.  What if we have another colicky baby?  How will we deal with all that?  Plus I really love my coffee now.  How will I go on 2-4 hours of sleep a night with a baby and a toddler?  There might not be my nap time break because they may have different sleep schedules.  How will I live without nap time?  How will I live without my 1-2 glasses of wine a week?  Can I handle a baby when I'm in my 30's?  I asked myself all these questions for three years and then told my husband to go ahead and get the big snip.  The three we have will definitely be enough.  A family of 5 is good enough for me.  We are happy and this is good enough for me.  Some people just want one baby.  I was lucky enough to get two with marriage (easiest labor ever!) and give birth to one.  Blessed!  The road to getting there, not so much.  xoxoxo     



  1. I was lucky enough to get two with marriage (easiest labor ever!) and give birth to one.
    Love this. :)

    I want another child, but I struggle with the thought of going through those first few months again. I'm glad to know that I wouldn't lose them to feeling myself a horrific mother because I couldn't get my baby breastfeeding, but I know I'd be lost to plenty of other stuff.

    So while I count myself ready, part of me is also glad that my S.O. is not just yet. I do love those little lives, but I love my sleep and writing time, too.

  2. Oh the joy! Thanks for sharing an honest account of what it's like. You are grateful for what you have and that's lovely. Xo.