Wednesday, August 22, 2012

My confession... I'm a slacker

First I want to say, I love running my facebook page. I started it because I thought that it would be something fun, and mostly because I know my friends and family were getting a little sick of some of my more vulgar posts.  What can I say?  I'm an a-hole sometimes.  I kept doing it because I got many messages and comments thanking me for doing it. When someone tells you that you make their day brighter, it feels damn good.  This is why I will continue to do it, unless you all want me to stop.  I guess I'll just have to talk to myself if that happens. 

A lot of you know that I've found myself in a bit of a funk since last winter. I've been stressed. I've been depressed, and it seems like life just keeps kicking me. I've been doing things to change it.  It's been a struggle, but I'm in a pretty good place right now, and it's been better.  Still not great, but definitely better.

Before I get to my confession let me start by telling you, only my youngest is my biological child. This is why you mostly hear me talking about him. That's a long story, and one I'm not going to get into probably ever. I have four kids. They are all mine in one way or another. Only the two I mostly post about live with me full time. I'm telling you this so I don't get any comments asking why I'm only talking about one or two of my kids in this confession.

My confession...

I'm a slacker
I have not been that great of a parent. I've been a good mom, and I take care of my kids, but I haven't been great. I used to be great. I used to work with my youngest every day. He was as smart as most four and five year old kids, by the time he was two. The depression/stress took that mom away from him. Yeah I get up and feed him, get him dressed, kiss him, hug him, and all that stuff that moms do, but I haven't gone above and beyond like I used to.  I've been a slacker.  I took great pride in how well I took to being a mom.  I was kind of a natural, and what I didn't know, I researched the hell out of and figured it out.

Two reasons I am admitting this publicly.  The first is I want to continue to run my page, and even blog once in a while, but I will not be around as much.  The second reason is maybe someone else will read this and realize they need to make some changes too.  I never thought my page would actually help people, but I have the messages to prove that it has.  I don't want to give that up.  We all need a little laughter in our lives.  It's what keeps me sane. 

So if you have noticed that I haven't been around that often this last week, it's because I've been making it a point to spend more time with my kids without my cell phone, or the internet on in the background.  How can I limit their electronic time, when I'm glued to the computer/phone as much as they are to the television/video games? 

Today I spent the whole late morning/afternoon with them at the park, and I never even took my phone out once.  I sat there and I watched them play on the slides, and climb the bars, and I smiled and yelled words of encouragement.  Every time those kids looked up to make sure I was watching them, I was.  I took them on a long nature walk where we talked about everything we saw.  We saw weird plants, mushrooms growing all over, cool looking spider webs, tadpoles, frogs, fish, and even a couple of deer up close.  These are all things I would have missed if I had my head buried in my cell phone. This is an activity that a month ago, I wouldn't have felt like doing because I was being a slacker. 

This evening I spent about an hour coming up with a schedule that I'm hoping will keep everyone happy, including me.  My family used to follow pretty strict routine, and that worked for us.  That routine kept my house clean, gave my family time with me, and gave me time to myself.  I will not be around as much, but will continue to post daily, just not all day.  My phone will not be glued to my side any longer.  my computer is only getting turned on at night when the kids are in bed, or if it's our scheduled free time.  I'm done being a slacker.  I have the best family in the world.  I am not going to put them off to the side any longer.  They need me and I need them.  This lazy slacker will still be lazy, but not when it comes to the kids.  They make me smile, and I want to make them smile.

I want to say thank you to the likers who will stick around, even though I won't be there as much.  As for the ones who won't, well I'm sorry to see you go, but my family is more important to me.  Much love to my likers!  And with that, I'm out.  Tomorrow starts the first day of the new schedule and I have to get up early for the first time in months.  Wish me luck!  xoxo~Panda          



  1. acceptance is the first step in the cure. congratulation! but who cares..... as long as you don't lose part of yourself in the yourself and be thankful for what you've learned while slacking, lovepeace, gary

  2. Im glad that you posted this Panda :D It makes me happy to know that people still have the nerve to admit problems in their lives. I am also a slacker :/ perhaps i can start making a change for my children as well. Ive made a monthly menu and stuck to that so maybe I can create a routine as well. Ive been getting up early anyways lately thanks to a 9 month old, but I dont ever feel like doing anything! Its terrible and makes me feel like Im not giving my kids the awesome mom they deserve. I dont like going outside or to the park. I had a horrible upbringing and Im pretty much terrified of EVERYTHING or I worry they will get hurt. I guess I need to suck it up and let them be kids... Thanks for keeping a smile on my face Panda!

  3. I can relate to this somewhat. I had major depression issues when my youngest was little and eventually I had to say "I can't do this" (I was a single mum and very socially isolated) and she went to live with my mother (who was a teacher of small children for a long time before I came along, so she was well qualified, also a more patient person than me). My heart goes out to every mum who struggles to Be There for her kids. Every story is different, but the bottom line is the same. You are brave and good, and of course I will still follow you. :)

  4. you are amazing. thanks for putting thoughts into words!!! <3 <3 <3

  5. I would never stop following you for bettering yourself. In fact ive been trying to better myself and be less lazy as well. Good for us!

  6. Thanks everyone! I've spent the whole morning doing things with my little man. It was a great morning, other than the fact that I can barely keep my eyes open. This waking early is going to take some getting used to. Coffee!!!!

  7. You're awesome, you know that? Seriously - you are.

    I have the same slacker problem every now and then - I think that all parents do. The key is to realize it and take the steps to correct it, just like you're doing!


  8. Thank you for this, sweetie!! I've felt the same way for the last year and a half. I look back on how much I changed, and I know it's from being miserable. That makes me feel bad about changing, then I get more miserable. Someone needed to share this. I'm glad it was you, and, more importantly, I'm thrilled that you are turning things around now. Love ya!!

  9. Wow... And I thought it was just me! My family and friends have told me that I'm ALWAYS on my phone... I need to fix that. Thanks for this! =)